So, are you in any relationship?
In one word, No.
And in a paragraph?
Well, I’ve been around couples, and I have noticed I just can’t stay sane around one and it kind of becomes difficult, especially for the other person, to be in a relationship with someone who can’t even stay normal around ‘himself and herself’. I think that pretty much sums up my whole Love Life. And you?
I am right now in at least over ten of those. But now that I think of it, a better way to put that is, that at least ten people have tried and decided that they can’t be around me. Now that, I understand, but what I can’t explain is why do we even try and then feel bad about not achieving something. Is it just because everyone else is doing the same?
A not-so-wise man once said something meaningful, ‘Pick any idea, at least 90% people are doing it wrong.’ A corollary to that would be 90% who think they are in a relationship are doing it wrong. You can easily verify this by answering just this question, ‘Can you give yourself an example of a perfect relationship you’ve experienced or seen or heard in your lifetime?”
The only example that comes to mind is my parents.
Everyone thinks their parents are the best couple in the world because that literally has been one of the biggest parts of their lives and we consciously or unconsciously derive most of our knowledge about deep relationships from them. But again if everyone is right about this, that means no one actually is.
Well, how about those legendary ‘Love tales’.
About that, why do you think couples in those quote-unquote ‘love tales’ have so much chemistry and like really-really gets the other person? It’s because both of those characters came out of a same person’s mind. Now I know how books are written. So somewhere some writer thought that he is going to write a love story, then he thought of the script and/or characters in it, then molded these all together in a few months to create your whatever ‘love tale.’ Someone worked very-very hard so that those two fictional characters can have that chemistry that you’ll die before you ever find in your whole lifetime.
Then, you know what will be interesting to read, a ‘love tale’ written by a couple combined. Even though the chances of completing that work are incredibly rare, but that would be more realistic because I don’t think one sex alone can completely understand the both sides. It’s just too much chemistry.
Yeah, maybe we two could do it.
Yeah maybe, but who’s gonna want to read a realistic love tale when instead they can read a dramatic one.
These ifs and buts. Only if I could get laid for every time I thought about something that leads to ‘This World sucks!’
What are you thinking about at this very exact moment?
There has already been written a great book about it and several other things based on that, I am thinking about ‘What do we talk about when we talk about love.’ And specifically, I am trying to think what you are thinking when talking about love.
Well, talking about love here’s an interesting thought experiment I like to do. e.g.: .- Try to think about who first thought of the word chemistry while measuring the relationship status of a couple?
I have an exclusive knowledge of this goddamn subject, So go on, you’ve complete permission to talk nerdy to me.
Okay, so, have you ever had a feeling like Love or Passion, but more generally when your brain thinks that your heart is doing the thinking.
So that would include gut feeling and basically all the emotions, right? But we know for a fact that brain is the only one doing the thinking.
You know if you are right and if everyone else sometimes uses their brain and other times they think that something completely different and completely irrational thing known as the heart is in charge. Doesn’t that psychologically mean everyone is suffering from a mild split-personality disorder under the effect of those chemicals?
Only if I could get laid for every time I thought about something that leads to ‘Either I am crazy or everyone else is.’
No, but this all could be explained by ‘chemistry.’ It’s all chemicals. Different chemicals control how brain feels in different situations a.k.a. emotions. For instance, try to fill in these blanks as accurately as possible:
- In the initial stage of…………(love/drugs), it stimulates the brain’s pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement a.k.a butterflies in the stomach.
- …………(love/drugs) affect the brain in many addictive ways, by targeting the ‘feel-good’ chemical in the brain known as dopamine.
- After Immediate withdrawal of…………(love/drugs), the person experiences intense physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms.
By the way, Is that why you hate other couples?
Because they think they are doing something which literally adds something meaningful to their lives, but turns out, the output is in contradiction with their expectations because they are doing it wrong.
Yeah, that’s pretty much the gist of it but digging a bit deeper you can very easily experience the evolution of the Idea of Love. Have you heard about that experiment where they take like 10-12 kids and teacher tells a story to the first kid and he/she has to tell the same story to next student and so on? And what’s the result of that experiment
The story is totally different when it gets to the other side, even though everyone was trying their very best to convey the same thing.
Have you ever tried to find exactly where story changed, because here is what happened:
- Teacher converted her thoughts to words.
- She said those words to the first student.
- The first student understood those words,
- And based on his previous knowledge, tried to make sense of the thought behind it.
- The first student memorized that thought.
- And based on his previous experience, converted that thought into his own words.
- The first student said those words to the second student.
Now shit happened in the steps 1,4,6 or in short whenever someone tried to convert words into thoughts or vice-versa.
Now imagine the same game is being played by everyone who has ever lived bit the thought that is being transmitted is Love. It started when the first guy tried to explain what he was feeling in his heart to the girl of his dreams some few thousand years. Now she went and told her friends what he told her and it went on and on in the community and this thought propagated in our history mainly by romantic artists. There is always someone converting those thoughts which he thought were about Love into words, songs and stories. You can imagine the complexity over here.
Now if you compare the thought we two are having when we say the word ‘Love’, it would theoretically be very different from the First thought ‘that guy’ had about Love. And if you could really collect everyone’s thought that they had about Love, each and everyone’s thought would come out different. Yet here we are a set of 7-billion people spending a large part of life in some sort of Love-experiment, without having any idea what the other person really means when we think he/she is saying the most meaningful thing he/she can say, ‘I love you.’
Okay, that sounds exactly like how a bad theory would sound like, Can you lay around a whole theory which according to your standards explains everything about Love.
Well, I sure can try, but it’s a work-in-progress. And every good theory about something we don’t completely know should always be a work-in-progress. Instead of making something up, they should say we don’t really know much about this, and here’s everything that we got.
Now taking the same analogy, where do you come in the experiment where you got involved and started talking about Love. Think about the time when you first got to know about the word love. You probably won’t remember. The fancy term for this is epistemology, and the experts in that field have many working theories, but the core of many of them goes something like this, ‘You acquire knowledge.’ So, somebody explained you the feeling which is associated with the word. Now if you can define that feeling to a pretty good accuracy, you can very possibly get a Nobel prize for that because no one ever has been able to do that.
But chemicals have already started kicking in long before you even knew the definition of definition. Again, not very sure, but it originated sometime when you were in arms of your mother or maybe during infancy and then later in life with other close family members. Sigmund Freud here would say, that idea of what love means which in turn affects the decision whom we call ‘the one’ later in our life, is somehow related to this phase where the idea of love originates in our mind.
Now with the little knowledge of brains we have, this can be said that for every piece of knowledge there exists a unique connection of neurons in our mind. When you are again trying to access that same information, those neurons will re-align themselves, in the same way, each and every time. So your brain now knows two things:
- A pattern of neurons of the feeling of being close to a close-one.
- Someone tells him that some feeling like that is known as Love.
Take a brain of any IQ, it can put together the things which mean same in the same place. This is how any person gets the definition of Love.
Now imagine what would have been happening in a 3-month old’s brain when they experience that love from one of the closed ones. This quality that brain will always secrete this chemical whenever you feel the same way is something that has been encoded somehow into our DNA and thus can even evolve across generations. A 3-months’ mind getting the same hormone for the first time, which is released the first time some decent person does cocaine. Now, this is the most addictive stuff that we know of. So, a baby gets exposed to some chemical that is addictive at a very small age when he/she is not even capable of critical thinking or have any idea what that means. Now imagine that baby gets older and sometime in the future the supply of those same chemicals from the closed ones gets cut-off, thus it tries to find almost similar human beings who can provide him the same high.
Again Mr. Freud would say that’s why we tend to find ‘the-one’ quite similar to someone in that same close-family. Hence the unexplainable anxious urge to find ‘the-one.’ And we humans have a way to get things done once they know they want them. Hence the game goes on. Who knows, maybe the ability to feel emotions also had something to do with evolutionary advantage for survival mechanism and thus helped in all the ways we have evolved and developed as a human species.
But since we have never put any 3-months old babies in MRI machines, and I can’t imagine a future someone saying, we need 100 3-months old baby samples to study my theory, I guess we’ll never know for sure if all of this actually makes sense.
I have a last question for you, before going to sleep – Why are we two complete strangers discussing the idea of Love in the middle of nowhere? I mean we both made independent decisions that we were gonna be on vacation on Valentines week most probably because we couldn’t stop thinking about what all the other couples are doing and then our self-consciousness kicks in and we create 10-point difference table comparing ourselves to them. How does it or does it not sound like destiny?
We are talking about all of this because deep down we still are romantics who are a slave to their own mind because the mind isn’t just gonna stop trying to find Love just because you believe in some theory. The best couples I’ve met had this one similarity that they had both once in their life realised that their’s this romantic Love, which is only gonna be a small part of their Life and then there’s a realistic Love, for which you have to work for every time it need be, that Love is about giving the most meaning to someone while knowing another person is doing the same.
And the reason I’m sharing this with you is not to convince you that you’ve never truly been in love (although it’s possible). What I’d like you to consider is that maybe the EFFECTS of lust and attraction, among other things have been HURTING your chances of finding love. All I am saying is if we have an idea of how a car works beforehand, it’ll be a smoother ride altogether. I just wanna know what’s the trick behind it. By the way, What do you think about all of this? What are you thinking about at this very exact moment?
There’s this word known as Monogamy which is a form of relationship in which an individual has only one partner during his or her lifetime or at any one time. I was wondering how many people think they are talking about or trying to find Love when they actually are talking about Monogamy.