Happy birthday to you.
Happy Earth Day, Earth. How you doing today?
Earth: Great, same as always…but today’s not my birthday.
Earth: You mean an almost 122nd rotation of this revolution that one of the inhabitant
species has named for Earth itself, as a Thank you by demonstrating support by
providing awareness about protecting Earth. Who started this thing?
it is being celebrated in more than 193 countries.
Earth: What about the rest of countries?
Our Host: They are not arrogant, it’s just that there’s some paperwork involved.
Earth: Political paperwork?
Our Host: Kinda.
Earth: Ha! You humans!
Still, Thank You for putting away one of every three sixty-fifth day to give a shit about where you are living.
Earth: 2017 minus 1970 equals 47. You call a total of 47 days, a good start? You know how long I’ve been here?
Our Host: What, a couple of billion years?
F.A.L.(Fake Audience Laughter)
Our Host: Have you never noticed our effort.
Our Host: Actually, there are a lot of people who work for the whole year on these type of things, this day is more like an awareness campaign ranging from one day to a full week.
Our Host: You know, global warming among others, if continued, would not be fine.
Our Host: Pollution, Climate Change, Ocean Acidification, Ozone layer depletion and Fossil Depletion of the top of my mind.
F.A.L.( Fake Audience Laugh)
Fan: Okay, we are not doing much that contributes to ‘Saving Earth’. But people have come together for those 47 years and many have spent whole lifetimes in ‘Saving-Something’. I work in the government and I know for a fact that 0.45% of the whole budget was spent in ‘Saving-Something.’ So what’s that something we have been saving while sugar-coating by saying we are saving Earth? I’ve looked into it and I am actually worried about what is it that is in immense danger that needs to be saved in the name of Earth.
- Do you think you will spend more time of your life in a selfish manner or more time in helping others?
- Do you think everyone had suspected for at least once, everyone’s else’s moral code?
- Are you special? Are others special too? Yes and Yeah!
- What is the most important thing to consider while in a tough moral situation?
Now think about an Earth-like system, in which the top priority has always been ‘Humanity’ and it’s ‘Prosperity’. Of course, you are going to run into some problems like Global Warming, Worldwide-crime, Deforestation, Pollution and these are the ones which have been here for a long-long time. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care.
Earth: For a lack of a better word: ‘Yes, Humanity is in more danger than Earth’. You can be crystal clear about it if you can just pass beside your narrow unenlightened self-interest, where you’ll find that there’s nothing wrong with this planet; I am just fine. The people are fucked up, compared to the people, I am doing great. It’s the people who have declared themselves so important that their war-cry is Save Planet instead of Save Humanity. What do you even mean by cleaning the environment? Clean water for whom? Clean air for whom? Clean soil for whom? Ozone Layer for whom? Reasonable temperature for whom? For humans themselves, right? And where are you gonna dump the waste?
Earth: …on Earth.
Earth: Just leave nature alone. Haven’t you guys done enough already? Because here’s the hypocrisy in this: Saving endangered species is just one more arrogant attempt by humans to control nature. You know, you haven’t even named 1% of the total species that lived here. Few species get extinct each and every day and has been for eons and that is regardless of human behavior. The only reason to preserve those species would be, that you want to watch them or eat them. Again nothing much to do with saving Earth as is about self-important, intelligent human beings. Stop trying to control the nature, it is far more complex than your current thinking is. By the way, trying controlling the nature, isn’t that what got you guys into trouble in the first place.
- you could in some humanly intelligent way preserve a species which is getting extinct.
- or not.
Of course, the first one sounds more reasonable, even if the only thing you could do is watch how beautiful they are and feel bad that they’ll go someday in the future.
Earth: Here’s how I define myself, in case you didn’t know:
- I came into existence as the third gas cloud of our Solar System
- I lost almost 25% of my mass during an asteroid collision in my early childhood, thus creating a very big moon out of it when I was hotter than even Venus.
- I am not gonna tell you how exactly Life started, but it did.
- Then they evolved into millions of species including big and small dinosaurs, schools of fishes and now you guys.
Now here are two facts for Global Warming lovers:
- Humans prefer to live in a temperature range of 3-4 degrees Celsius to 30-40 degrees Celsius.
- Humans prefer to live on land as well. So, if the temperature of Earth kept on increasing like it is now, someday all the glaciers will melt and all the Land as we know it would be underwater and all humans will die and after few thousand years I’ll recover myself and after a few Ice-Ages, everything will be back to normal. The only difference would be that humans will be gone.
Our Host: Okay seriously one last thing, if nothing worked, what are you going to do about plastic bags?
Earth: Seriously, if everything died and it is true that Polyethene is immortal, I’ll change my name to Earth+Plastic. Then if someone asked ‘Why were humans here?’ I’ll say Plastic. Would you like your real legacy to be Plastic?
Trust me, If you were talking in 1950s, you would’ve been concerned about Atomic Bombs with the same intensity.
Earth: I don’t know completely what you do, tell me the biggest thing that you did last time.
Earth: Again some political paperwork? Any big impacts till then?
Earth: Wow! Two most creative concepts ever, intertwined as if they are the same thing: Society-Media Equilibria.
Earth: How about stop bombing each other, every other day. It looks like you really need someone to tell you what to do? You guys don’t even know how to take care of yourselves yet you’re going to save the fucking planet. Again, the Planet is fine, always been, always will be; people are fucked. See the difference? And the reality is you can’t do that much to save the planet. Look at my list of problems above if you are not so sure about it.
So, here’s what I want you to do, you have tried to spread awareness using the same philosophy of every religion: – by using people’s own fear on themselves. You’ve tried to get people to do good things in the name of Earth. Didn’t work with the same efficiency you expected it to? Why would it? Can’t you see the results from religion that sucking on people’s fears doesn’t work for a long time? So if you wanna try something new, get a rational person around you. Talk with him/her alone. Tell them Earth doesn’t need to be saved. Global Warming, Pollution, Climate: these are not Earth’s problems at all. These are only and only humans’ problems, created by humans and I’m pretty sure there isn’t any guardian angel coming to save anyone. If that doesn’t scare the shit out of y’all, I don’t know what will. Humanity’s a lost cause then.
Here’s a Thank you note from me, send it to as many people as you can. It’s for your own good:
“We know only one place worth living, so we should think about really hard about where we’d go to live, once we have fully fucked this planet up.”